Application Letter

I refer 2 d recent death of d Technical Manager at your company & wish 2 apply 4 d replacement of d dead manager.

Each time I apply 4 employment I am told dere is no vacancy but on dis one i hav caught u red handed coz i even attended d funeral & made sure dat he was truly dead b4 applying. 

Find attached his obituary"

Side Effect

Mr BEAN felt ill. . . so the ÐOÇTOR gave him a Tablet he started cutting the sides of the tablet
ÐOÇTOR: y are u cuttin the sides?
BEAN: 2 avoid the side effects.



Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me,
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born?

I Want Peace

Two soldiers were training:

-Why have you joined the army ?

"Because I'm single and I like war ,  And you ?

I am married and I wanted peace.

Accused of Rape

An 8yesar old boy was accused of rape in court; his lady lawyer holds his dick saying, 'your honor, can this 8years old dick rape? 

'The boy whispers, ' don’t shake it aunty, we will lose d CASE.

No Chance for survival

HUSBAND WAS SERIOUSLY ILL

DOCTOR to Wife:
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant and in good mood, don't discuss your problems, no tv serial, don't demand new clothes and gold jewels, do this for 1yr and he will be OK.

On the way home. . .
Husband:- what did the doctor say?
Wife:- no chance for you to survive.

The Stammerer

A man had a bad case of stammering. He went to many doctors

over the years, but none of them could help him. Finally one doctor

said to him"I believe I found the reason for your stammering". The

man asked, "Wha, wha,  wha, what is my pro,  pro,  problem." The

doctor replied, "Your joystick is very, very large. The weight of your

joystick is causing a strain on your larynx, and this results in your

stammering. The only solution to this is to perform a joystick

transplant." The man was really tired of his stammering, so he

agreed to a transplant. Several days later the doctor called the man

up and informed him that they have found a suitable donor.The

transplant operation was successfully performed and the man could

speak without any stutter. At first he was happy, but after a while

he began to miss his large joystick, and how the girls used to love it.

He finally went back to his doctor and said, "Doctor, I am grateful

for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stammer, but

I miss my old joystick. Please find the transplant donor and tell him

that we have to exchange manlinesses back." The doctor shook his head

and replied, "That's im,  im,  im,  im, im, imp, impo, impo,

impossible."

Bad WAEC results

Dad: I learnt your WAEC result is out.
Son: Daddy u remember Chidi wey dey carry first for our whole schl ba? he failed. .
Dad: dats terrible,w at happened?
Son: U also remember Tosin wey dey tutor me 4 house ba? He failed too.
Dad: wats with d poor performance?
Son: Daddy I dunno,na so e b oh.
Dad: so hw was Ʊr result?
Son : haba daddy,if dem fail, wetin u expect, I be wizard?

Strange Lawyer

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friends asked the tombstone maker to inscrbe on his
tombstone, "Here lies Strange,a honest man nd a lawyer".

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, 4 passersby would tend to tink dat 3 men
wer burid unda d stne. Howevr he sugestd an altnative:

He wld inscribe, "Here lies a man hu was bot honest nd a lawyer. dat way, weneva any1 walkd by d
tombstone and read it, dey wld be certain 2 remark: "That's Strange!"

Christian Dog

Pastor, my dog is dead. could dere be a service 4 d poor creature? pastor replied, No, we can't have service for an animal in the church. but dere is a church down the road, maybe, they will do something 4 the animal.   The man answered, pastor, but do u think they'll accept a donation of US $250,000 in return 4 d burial service? Pastor exclaimed, sweet jesus! why didn't u tell me d dog was a christian!

The Lie detecting Robot

A Doctor prescribed the robot.

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. he decided to test it at dinner:

Dad: Son where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school (robot slaps son)
. . . Son: Okay I went to the movies!
Dad: Which one?
Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps again!)

Son: Okay I was watching indecency.
Dad: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what indecency was! (robot slaps dad)
Mom: Hahahahaha ! after all he is your son! (robot slaps mom)