Phone Call as Sex

Husband  &  wife agreed dat anytym dey wnt 2 hav sex, dey wil cal it PHONECALL so dat d kids wil no decode. 1 day, d husband sends his son 2 tel mum dat he wants 2 mak a fonecall. Mum replies, tel your Dad dat netwrk is busy 2dy. Husband replies: Tell your mum dat if network is busy@home, I wil go 2 a public fone boot. Wif replies:Te l your Dad dat if he dares go 2 a public fone, den I wil open a businez center here.

Lie Detecting Robot

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. he decided to test it at dinner:

Dad: Son where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school (robot slaps son)
......Son: Okay I went to the movies!
Dad: Which one?
Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps again!)

Son: Okay I was watching porn.
Dad: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was! (robot slaps dad)
Mom: Hahahahaha ! after all he is your son!(robot slaps mom)

A glass of water

One night a father sent his kid  to bed.

Five minutes later the boy screamed, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!"

"No. You had your chance." A minute later the boy screamed "Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?"

"No. You had your chance.

Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you."

"Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?"

Dog Burial

Pastor, my dog is dead. could dere be a service 4 d poor creature? pastor replied, No, we can't have service for an animal in the church. but dere is a church down the road, maybe, they will do something 4 the animal, the man answered, pastor, but do u think they'll accept a donation of US $250,000 in return 4 d burial service? pastor exclaimed, sweet jesus! why didn't u tell me d dog was a christian!

Twins

Are nigerians not tired of naming their twins taiwo n kehinde, peter n paul, victor n Victoria? why cant we use names like copy n paste, find n replace, clearing n forwarding, dolce n gabbana, goodness n mercy, keyboard n monitor, facebook n twitter, input n output, open n close, undo n redo. etc?

The Master Key

A girl asks a guy, "Why is it that if a girl has sex with more than 1 guy she's a slut. But if a guy...has it with more than 1 girl he's a legend?!" The guy replies, "If a lock can be opened by more than 1 key, it's a useless lock, But if a key can open many locks,then its a "MASTER KEY